From the time that I was born, I was in a church somewhere. I actually can’t remember a time when I wasn’t involved in a church in some way. I viewed church as a place that entertained me when I was a child and not a place where I went to develop a relationship with God. I honestly thought it was just another activity that my family did together.
When I entered middle school a traumatic event happened in my life, I lost my grandmother…the woman who nearly made me the person I am today. Because of her death I began to search for the purpose and the meaning of life. I found myself alone, depressed and participating in self destructive behaviors. I was desperately searching for something to fill my void, but the only real answer I could come up with at the time was suicide.
My youth group went to a summer camp, where I had been numerous times before. That week is when I learned and accepted God’s love, but I must be honest, it wasn’t a “quick fix.” I wanted to learn more and desperately wanted to develop a relationship with God. However, later that year I had two suicide attempts because of the death of my cousin and I didn’t understand why God would be the comforter of all and then take someone away to hurt me again. I finally understood that God will not put anything in my life that I cannot handle.
